Responding to an Affair

Once you learn that your partner has been involved in affair, you may not be sure on how exactly you should react. It goes without saying that it is an extremely difficult time — for both partners.

If you recently went through an affair in your own relationship or are looking to give advice to a loved one dealing with an affair, check out these tips to begin your road to recovery.

Take Some Time to Heal.

Before beginning the hard emotional labor associated with recovery from the affair, take some time for yourself to heal emotionally. While marriage counseling is a great tool for those looking to recover from infidelity, you need to make sure that you are in the mental headspace to begin healing before reaching out to a counselor. This applies whether you are the one who had the affair or the one who was cheated on.

If you are the one who was betrayed, avoid speaking with your partner to learn more details about the affair. At this stage, you are emotionally very vulnerable and learning intimate details of the affair may prove to be extremely upsetting for you. If you are the one who initiated the affair, keep details of the affair away from your partner until you meet with a counselor. Though you may be attempt to heal your relationship by comforting your partner, give them their own space to heal so that you do not rush the recovery process.

Break Off Contact.

This tip applies to the person who cheated on the other. If you are truly dedicated to fixing your marriage, completely cut off contact with the person you cheated with. Keeping in contact with them, even just as friends, increases the chances of the affair happening again. Secondly, it will cause a lot of discomfort in your partner who may not trust you to not become entangled with the other person again.

Reach out to a Marriage Counselor.

Once you believe that you and your partner are both ready for therapy, reach out to a marriage counselor like Kathleen Snyder MFT. Experts agree that going to therapy as a couple — not as individuals — is one of the best things you can do for the future of your marriage. A marriage counselor will be able to help you regain trust in one another, and will help to squash any feelings of resentment or guilt that are likely still lingering after the aftermath of the affair.

Identify the Cause of the Affair.

More often than not, affairs do not just happen out of the blue. To keep an affair from happening in the future, it is best to figure out why the affair happened in the first place. A marriage counselor is the best person possible to help you figure out the reason behind the affair. Perhaps it was a lack of communication or a lack of excitement in the marriage. No matter what it was, it lead to betrayal — and working to fix the issue will make your marriage grow stronger.